Back from the wilderness

28th November 2011

I AM BACK!

Quick disclaimer to any parents reading, there will be lots of swearing which to be honest I think is acceptable considering the last couple of weeks and the trauma I have been through to be able to bring the latest news from the crazy ass part of the world which is Switzerland!

Right, where to start......

The positives (lol) Grumpus's Mum and Dad came to the shores of lake Geneva (which actually has a proper name, which isn't Lake Geneva at all, go figure!)

Much crying at the airport when they landed, much crying when they got to the apartment as Mummy Grumpus clearly thought we would be living in a crack den, although after moving the prostitute on one of the flat viewing, she wouldn't have been far off the mark.

Lots of sightseeing and drinking done, so Mr. H was kept reasonably happy and Grumpus's Daddy was kept content by doing the David Bailey thing and snapping pics of literally EVERYTHING!

So a lovely weekend had by all, and minimum crying on the day of their departure by Grumpus ( I bottled it and let them make their own way to the airport Monday morning, which was agreed was the best idea!)

So now down to what you have all be waiting for the MOANING!

The internet and phone company over here are wank**s you cant just set up internet and away you go, you have to basically pay a small fortune for something that you do not want in order to get what you do want!

80 CHF a month for the bleeding internet, so I hope you bloody enjoy these posts!   I pay 50 quid back home for Sky and fecking internet I don't use and now I am being abused for internet over here!   The lovely half English speaking woman did point out that I was entitled to free calls ANYWHERE in Switzerland, fecking amazing!!!! I DONT KNOW ANYBODY TO CALL IN SWITZERLAND so how is that a frigging bonus!

Anyho so it has taken this long to sort the internet and if Mr H hadn't done something to the router that we "borrowed" we would have had to have WIRED internet, you remember that guys and gals, were you plugged the laptop into the router, I shit you not wired internet for 80 CHF a month.

Had I of chose to be robbed some more I could have paid 200 CHF for the WIFI router, I actually asked her if she was joking when she told me the price, I fully expected Jeremy to jump out and tell me I had "been framed"

Anyway enough of that as it is giving me a headache thinking about the stress it has caused and I believe I have grey hairs and wrinkles over this shit!

The other fantastic news what we managed to get someone to come and fit light bulbs (do not ask the electrics are shit over here), wire the cooker into the mains, as they don't seem to plug shit in over here, and do the same with the washer.   Found a fantastic ex pat company that came out on the Tuesday and the work was promised to be done on the Wednesday.

True to their word it was done, the original quote was 600CHF but we NEEDED lights and a cooker and a washer and to be honest I was past caring how much it was gonna cost.

I tootle home to an invoice for 1070 CHF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I nearly died, I had to have a fag and a drink to get over the shock, the increase in the bill apparently was due to the light in the bathroom not working.

Now if we rewind to the weekend of us moving in Mr H and friends had, had their hands inside and out of this light fitting trying to fix it, as men do.

Fast forward back to the invoice.   The sparky's boss (who spoke English thankfully as the sparky didn't) left a lovely note on the invoice saying it had taken three hours alone to fix the bathroom light and the problem was it needed rewiring as there was no EARTH!  

I shit you not, no EARTH, Mr H has no life insurance people and he is no good to me dead!    I swear on my life if I could speak French I would have been sharing my "distaste" with the regie.....I think they dodged a bullet!

So a fortnight after the workman came out and my Washer still does not work properly.....it will not drain as some brainbox decided to run the drainage pipe along the floor (cue lots of tutting and sighing from Mr H, muttering of not being able to get the staff and all that crap), even Grumpus knows that, that was never going to work!

Anyway true to form for workman, they still haven't fixed it yet, they still haven't given me my two invoices as requested a fortnight ago, so I can ram one down the regie's neck and they do not seem to be in any hurry to come and fix it!

I am having to use the communal washer, yes the communal washer, I feel violated every time I it.   I use the term "I" loosely its in a dark basement which is more like a bomb shelter so clearly Mr H has to go and put the washing in as I crap myself every time I go down there.

There is a drawing of a rat and the sign for poison on the door ......like frig I am going in there on my own.

Right that me done for tonight it is exhausting trying to remember all this crap just to give you guys a laugh (and I know you will ALL be laughing) and I am started to get wound up just thinking about it!

Catch you on the other side peeps

Ciao

Grumpus

There is a hole in your radiator, dear Grumpus, dear Grumpus

Wednesday 9th November

Bonjour!

You will be pleased to know carrying on from the last blog, that Grumpus won the battle with the first of the sofa covers, it was a tight squeeze literally getting the cover back on, but only time will tell if I actually win the war!

Today I feel a little like liza, who had a hole in her bucket, but change the bucket to a radiator and not where we are living but our des res back home in the UK! 

Mr V broke the news by posting a picture of said radiator on facebook, with water pissing out.....that was my cue to FREAK out, with Mr H having to literally crowbar me off the ceiling!

Anyway thankfully we have found an AMAZING maintenance man "Jack of all trades" who from 10.30pm UK time last night up to 8.30pm UK time tonight, went to the house, looked at the radiator, priced the job up and said he would come back tomorrow to sort if we were happy to go ahead.....finally a tradesman who you can rely on!

I don't think anybody has let him into the "trade secret" which is he could turn up days late, charge extortionate prices and people would still be grateful!

So that is every radiator in the house changed within the last 4 years.....clearly radiators and our house just don't mix!

Started packing in anticipation for the big move, hopefully picking up the keys on Friday so keep your fingers crossed please!

I had a small triumph at work today.....printer that is that big and expensive, I would expect it to fecking cook a three course meal for me decided not to play any more yesterday, I bravely rang the printer company...not a big deal I hear you mutter...wrong!   Again major communication problems but got off the phone hopeful that we had agreed she would send me a waste container cartridge today.....tadar!   This afternoon, what should arrive but two waste container cartridges!!!  I was happy with that, twice as much but hell at least something a) arrived and b) was the right thing....think that smug feeling may return briefly!

Short and sweet tonight peeps as I am bushed, I have a hot date with..........my bed!

Ciao

Grumpus 

And the saga of the apartment rolls on!

7th November 2011

Bonjour! Is the french thing getting boring yet????   Answers on a postcard please :0)

So the weekend seemed to fly by, we had every good intention of venturing out for food on Sunday to celebrate but actually didn't get out of bed, other for toast in the morning and to put a few loads of washing on....yes I am that sad that I worried we wouldn't have anything to wear today!

We nearly starved as I refused to cook and Mr. H decided that as he had cooked breakfast he was now on strike.....he actually had the nerve to say that he wasn't my slave, as you can imagine Grumpus was not impressed.   I pointed out that is what happens when you create a monster lol, put me on a pedestal by all means, but then don't change your mind 6 years in and expect me to actually start doing something!

Anyway the top and bottom of it was we both starved to prove a point.........seriously two grown adults sat in two separate rooms sulking!  

Anyho, all friends again today, I may have apologised but I clearly wouldn't put that in black and white would I?!

So the paperwork has been sent to the powers that be to approve, big thank you to UPS, paid for midday delivery today and it ended up being delivered at 3.30pm UK time......chuffed to bits NOT!

Called UPS to bo**ock them and their excuse was the normal driver was off sick and the replacement driver didn't realise it had priority.....the big sticker saying PRIORITY didn't give it away then, jesus wept where do they find these people!

Why the hell would you send documents UPS unless they were urgent, I give up I really do, between them and my letting agent back home, I am beginning to think that the world is being taken over by monkeys resembling humans, its the only way to explain the bloody stupidity of some people.

I seriously am being to think that people enjoy getting me stressed, it the only logical reason, for such a great country everything seems to take sooooooooooooooooooooooo long and there is just no need for it.   I spent three hours the other day trying to reason with a French woman as to why it was quicker to email a lease to me rather than post it!!!!

But what can I expect from a country who thinks it is perfectly acceptable to have their supermarkets shut at 7pm on an evening, that is right, that wasn't a TYPO 7pm in the evening, late night "whoop whoop" is a Thursday were they stay open till half seven, I am seriously considering going to Asda when I get home at two in the morning, just because I f**king can!

So to recap, you don't have a large freezer like back home, so you have to shop weekly, but you work till gone seven every night (that's right folks living the dream!) so the only night you can shop is Thursday and have to tear round the supermarket like you have a tribe of loonies chasing you, you couldn't make it up!!

Anyway rant over for tonight, I am getting a sweat on writing about it, you have something special to look forward to on the next blog, Grumpus's V's washing the sofa covers.......if that doesn't wet your appetite I don't know what will!

Ciao

Grumpus x

Joyeux Anniversaire Matt

6th November 2011

Ciao, Hallo, Bonjour, that's hello in the three major languages covered!

Happy Anniversary to Mr. H who has managed to put up with me for six long years, for a few weeks we thought it was seven, but after referring to friends and family and various weddings we have been to, we finally worked out that it was only six, phew!   Lets leave the 7 year inch till next year......its one more thing for me to look forward to worrying about!

We have received the lease for the apartment so things are finally moving forward, I have started to clean things in this apartment, in anticipation for the move, such as curtains, sofa coverings etc, as to be honest they are just rank!

RANK actually as in that bad they deserve capital letters, I class myself as being fairly relaxed on the cleaning front, but all I want to do in this gaff, is scrub, scrub the bath, the toilet, the cooker, the list goes on......I find myself turning into Aggie and Mr. H was already Kim, grime-busters extrodinare!

Your lucky I am updating as I have a date with the bath.......one of us will lose, knowing the state of this place it will be me, but I love a challenge.

Our house guest has flown the nest already, and before you ask I didn't scare him off!   He got offered a fab little Studio in Plainpalis for a couple of months so quite rightly jumped at the chance.

We helped him move, along with Mike who kindly offered to drive us all so we didn't get wet!   It was the quickest move ever having said that, he did only have a few suitcases lol!

Have to report that there were no fireworks in Geneva last night, none that we heard anyway :(   May have to buy some when we get home and have a honorary 5th of Nov but in December!

As it is our Anniversary.....have I mentioned this yet lol!  We may venture out tonight for a meal, there looks to be a lovely little bar and restaurant round the corner who does Fondue, when in Rome and all that jazz!

Right best get back to the date with the Bath........ speak soon love Grumpus x

Good news at last (well hopefully!)

1st November 2011

White rabbits my lovely little Anglophiles :)

I come with good news, we have been accepted for an apartment!   A lovely 2 bed gaff just round the corner from where we are now on Rue de Lyon, on a street called Aire!

Phew, not homeless just yet then, big thanks to Mrs. B for the offer of the ski chalet, I will hold you to that once I become all outdoorsy and want to trot off and do a spot of apres-ski, I am reliably informed this is the best kind of skiing!

So that has put a smile on my face, for all of 5 minutes admittedly but it's a start.

We have a guest at the moment, a lovely chap who has just started with our company so we did the nice thing at the weekend, met him from the airport, offered him a bed, took him to get a bus pass, showed him where the local supermarket is and gave him a brief tour of Geneva, I say brief as obviously we hardly ever know were the hell we are, never mind give anyone a proper tour!

He seems chuffed and our original smugness came back for a while as for a few hours we felt like old hands!

Mr. H is still doing well at work, I am still stressed but there is nothing new there!    I tried to explain to my boss today that I worry about worrying, he just didn't get it, I didn't get why he didn't get it and started worrying that maybe I worry too much!

Just as a crazy side note, we are helping our guest find accommodation and went to see a Studio with him today, the sign on the shared laundry room (yes your read that right, people have to share washing machines, amazing isn't it, I cant think of anything more gross!) the sign on the door once we tracked it down was washing can only be done from 9 till 5.30 Monday to Friday......I shit you not, so not only do you run the risk of seeing some freak man-handling his wangers, but your screwed if you work!   Either that or you hog the machine for the day and run the risk of some spiteful person (a little like Grumpus herself) pinching your smalls as payback for hogging it!

What sort of country have I moved to were they have a rule about when you can do your washing.......that takes being anally retentive to a WHOLE new level, it is apparently so that the whole apartment block can enjoy the peace and quiet....shame that nobody has explained that to the tw**s above us that moved in last week, if the baby isn't crying it sounds like somebody is using the floor above as a bouncy castle, seriously SHUT UP!!!!

The Swiss seem to be very fond of rules and regulations, every other billboard you walk past is saying NO! to something, Mr. H described it as the country version of Grumpus, moan, moan, moan, fitting I thought!

But with lots of red tape, regulations and rules, come an amazingly safe city, rated one of the top ten cities in the world to live in so I guess they must be doing something right!

Mr. H has just pointed out that it will be our Anniversary this weekend, obviously I had remembered this, whilst trying to find us a new home, run a office and genuinely try not to have a massive meltdown due to all of the above and homesickness on top!

GUTTED that we cant go to the Fireworks at Lakeside, really hope that Mr & Mrs. C and Mr & Mrs. H.W actually manage to get there on time this year if they end up going,.....no excuses, don't miss the bloody thing if you end up going and plenty of pictures please!

Cant imagine the Swiss go in for fireworks, if a washing machine after 5pm or on a weekend is too loud but watch this space.

That's all for tonight folks

Grumpus x