Sweet Switzerland, its frigging January!

Monday 16th January 2011

Bonjour my beautiful people (well I think I am actually down to one follower Mrs. D, but I will forge on anyway!).

I was going to post yesterday but I ended up having a drink, well not just one drink, a few drinks but that's not the point, I have learnt at the moment that doing anything web related whilst tippy/slightly drunk/inebriated is never a good idea.   Thank god Easyjet's payment part of the website was down last week or else I would have found myself explaining to Mr H why, oh why I had a booked flights to the UK costing a grand sum or £400!

I would imagine I would have wriggled out of it in the end, or just got him inebriated but it was still a bit of a wake up call.....back away from the credit card and put the bottle down.

Anyway enough of that on the off chance that Mummy Grumpus or Mummy H are reading this.....clearly Grumpus and Mr H are well rounded individuals who do not rely on drink to make their lives better and are living a healthy, fantastic life abroad, ahem!

So what's new?  I know that you all are just dying to be updated on the globe trotting cosmopolitan lifestyle of me and Mr. H (not!) so much that you can't contain your excitement any longer.

Well we have another visitor which to be honest is playing hell with our social life as two sets of friends wanted to come over in Feb/March but can't as, well being polite as possible we don't know when he is leaving!

As with the two before him, he seems polite enough, he seems to have better sense than the last one and doesn't try and have an in-depth conversation with me at half 7 in the morning (the last one did that and my response was pretty much "what the f*ck?!" and not in a comedy sense, but as in seriously are you talking to me about work at this time.

People that have only known me a few months know that I am not a morning person and my idea of morning is 9am, 7.30am is still the middle of the night, so be warned speak to me at that hour and your on your own, even Mr. H just started walking slowly out of the kitchen shaking his head!

I think he thinks we are alcoholics though, which well hell you can make your own mind up there,but before you judge, its cold over here and god damn expensive to do anything other than buy wine and grapes are one of your five a day so it should keep mummy Grumpus happy to know I am eating some fruit at least!

Anyway on to the title of the blog, which is probably what caused me to run screaming to a wine bottle last night.

We decided to take the new recruit to the lake, because lets face it, other than hurtling down a ski slope, what else can you show the newbies when they first get here, it is the third time we have done the guided tour, but funnily enough we are not bored of it yet.

Anyway off we trotted down to the lake, I walked all the way there no bus/taxi/two or four wheeled vehicles involved.

Once you get to the lake you can walk down the left hand side of it, towards and then past the Kempinski Hotel with the lake to your right, a little further down past the hotel on the right hand side there is a causeway that goes out into the lake with something called the Bains des Paquis.

It is almost like a floating island that looks like there is a place you can grab a bite to eat, a area to sunbath and even an area where you can swim, going out into the actual lake.

Now we have walked past this island nearly every weekend that we have gone down to the lake, but on Sunday I happened to look over and was horrified, absolutely horrified to see people NAKED.   That's right NAKED, now for the a while I just thought that all the sunbathers were wearing beige, but then as we moved closer it became clear that quite a few people were wandering round with just towels wrapped round them.   Then the horror happened, a random man minding his own business dropped the towel and stark bollock naked climbed down some steps into Lake Geneva, I shit you not!

I have to ask are they fecking mad?   a) The whole of fecking downtown Geneva can kinda see them NAKED as they are all walking past the said island full of nutty naked people, but b) its FECKING January and your NAKED!!!!!!!! It is very very cold and to add insult to injury lemsip type cold remedies are over £20 a pack, so you are either MENTAL or just have too much money and don't give a damn if your ill.

I am not a prude and think everybody should do what makes them happy, but NAKED, on an island, surrounded by tourists in the middle of Geneva lake??? WTF???   The worst thing being that the tourist boats go really very close to the island why would you want someone to see you naked as the day you were born when the temperature is below 10 degrees.......its not a good look for any man, lets face it so if your less than averagely endowed your not gonna be on to a winner!

So I am hoping you can all understand why wine was a must last night!!!!


Keep checking for updates as the next one I think will be why you should never do a supermarket shop after going on an unofficial wine tasting tour!


See you on the other side :)


Grumpus x

Sleazyjet and all that drama!

8th January 2012

Bonjour!

Happy New Year!

Am I glad to be back in Snowy Switzerland, funnily enough yes!

We have pretty much tore around Doncaster for the last two and a half weeks visiting every tom, dick and harry, with Mr. H chinning that all the driving was seriously damaging his plan of attack to get absolutely "bungalowed" at every opportunity, in all honestly he needn't have been worried other that Christmas and Boxing Day he succeeded!

Well obviously you are all waiting for me to start moaning about something.......nothing in Grumpus's world is that simple and folks you would be right!

First up for a kicking.....Sleazyjet, I had the pleasure of speaking to two of their staff yesterday regarding the shower of shite that was the 16th Dec and their part in said shower of shite!

For some reason still only know to Sleazyjet they decided to cancel three flights that we had been booked on and delay the fourth.

I should have been home for 1.30pm Friday afternoon, Mr. H & I arrived on the 17th @ 1.30am in the fecking morning!

So what should have been Geneva to Doncaster via Leeds Bradford airport, ended up being Geneva, to Doncaster via Liverpool airport and fecking Liverpool & Leeds train station.

I calmly tried to discuss this with the orange and white muppets yesterday and asked if they would as a gesture of goodwill would refund the £60 we had to pay in train fares from Liverpool to Leeds.

You will howl at the response because you just couldn't take it seriously!   Apparently I should have left myself stranded at Geneva airport and have waited three days to get the next flight to Leeds Bradford, rather than trying to get home the day I WANTED to fly so I could see my Dad the next day - his 60th birthday.   So they wouldn't refund my train fare.

She did point out if it happened again I should book on the next available flight to the SAME airport and if necessary they would put us up in a hotel until the next flight.

So I just want to clarify this for you all, you can't do the sensible thing and book another flight to a different airport and save the fecking muppets food vouchers and possible hotel bills, you should wait for the next flight to your original destination and milk them for everything you can get!!!!

Fuck-wits, that is all I can say I am still so mad, 10+ hours in an airport trying to get back to the UK and the nearest I have to an explanation for three cancelled flights and a delayed flight is bad weather in Luton.....new flash I wasn't flying to fucking Luton!

In the words of my dad when he finally saw Mr H "I felt for you son being with the Grumpus and not having an escape plan!"

So were finally home and I had to work the last week before Christmas, so we arrange for the the Grumpus mobile to be returned to Grumpus Manor, guess what flat battery!!!

Seriously someone was obviously enjoying fucking with me as you couldn't make this up!!

I am glad to say thankfully the rest of Christmas and New Year in comparison went smoothly, Mr H behaved at the works do, we believe we managed to see everybody we could and the party @ Grumpus Manor was fairly successful if a little sparse.

I am worn out moaning so I am off for now....toodle pip my friends Ill be back soon!

G

The day we invaded France!

4th December 2011 


It was a très bonne day


Today was.....amazing, one small word that can sum up the most fantastic of days.


Today we went to Veyrier, thanks to our lovely new friend at work Mr. M.


Hopped on a bus, having no idea where we were going other than it was the right numbered bus.   Thanks to Wikipedia Steve, called that for obvious reasons i.e. he pretty much does know EVERYTHING, we did manage to a) get the bus on time, b) get to where we needed to go and c) didnt get lost! A blinding result me thinks.


So we're off the bus over the border and there we are in France, to be honest I was expecting more of the boarder crossing i.e. there actually being someone there but I guess its Sunday and as I have mentioned before NOBODY seems to do anything on a Sunday if they are a native!


Mr. M came to pick us up from the very unassuming car park we had arranged to meet in and the adventure began! 


His chalet, is exactly that a chalet, sat at the bottom of the mountain in the most quaint little village ever seen, it is exactly how you would imagine it to be.


Two furry friends greeted us, with slight suspicion at first which is understandable, they let us know who was boss, but in no time at all firm friends were made!

Mimi (front) & Tatoo (rear)

So greetings out of the way we got down to the serious business of the day, going to the market nearby to buy Brunch.   OMG seriously markets are not normally my thing but I will get on a bus every Sunday, change francs to euros to go and shop here!! 


First stop.....breakfast, french style

Oysters - huge they were! Mickyboy would have loved them!

Arh living the dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Oysters, check, did i mention wine at half 10 in the morning????

Oysters and Mustcadet

So fully refreshed and fed, we set off to buy cheese, bread, cold meats and potatoes for Hash :)

Chorizo, Cured Pork, Parma Ham, Serrano Ham - fill your boots!

We pretty much bought a bit of everything on the stall pictured above!


So Chalet bound once again, we set off in the Mini, it really is suprising how many grown adults you can get in a Mini a) if you really try and b) when you've had a few glasses of Muscadet!


Back at the ranch, my amazing potato chopping skills came into place and thanks to Mrs D's tip on the spoon in the mouth (I think it was Mrs D, it sounds like the useful info she would share!) I also managed to chop the onions without tears!


Mr. M made an amazing Hash and eggs, followed by cheese, cured meats, Walnut bread, which was out of this world, full fat butter and a fair few bottles of red wine!


What more could anyone ask for on a Sunday??????


Fast forward a couple of hours and off up the mountain we treked with our new furry friends, they seems to enjoy it a little more than we did though as the weather was not kind!

Grumpus surprised herself and Mr H as although it was damp, foggy and very very windy, not a moan escaped her lips :)


Back down the mountain to finish the cheese, meat and wine, well it would be rude not to wouldnt it!!!!!!


So its half 7, were back from our adventure, chilling on the sofa with another bottle of red, living the dream peeps, living the dream!!!


au revoir mon ami!!!!!


Grumpus x

Back from the wilderness

28th November 2011

I AM BACK!

Quick disclaimer to any parents reading, there will be lots of swearing which to be honest I think is acceptable considering the last couple of weeks and the trauma I have been through to be able to bring the latest news from the crazy ass part of the world which is Switzerland!

Right, where to start......

The positives (lol) Grumpus's Mum and Dad came to the shores of lake Geneva (which actually has a proper name, which isn't Lake Geneva at all, go figure!)

Much crying at the airport when they landed, much crying when they got to the apartment as Mummy Grumpus clearly thought we would be living in a crack den, although after moving the prostitute on one of the flat viewing, she wouldn't have been far off the mark.

Lots of sightseeing and drinking done, so Mr. H was kept reasonably happy and Grumpus's Daddy was kept content by doing the David Bailey thing and snapping pics of literally EVERYTHING!

So a lovely weekend had by all, and minimum crying on the day of their departure by Grumpus ( I bottled it and let them make their own way to the airport Monday morning, which was agreed was the best idea!)

So now down to what you have all be waiting for the MOANING!

The internet and phone company over here are wank**s you cant just set up internet and away you go, you have to basically pay a small fortune for something that you do not want in order to get what you do want!

80 CHF a month for the bleeding internet, so I hope you bloody enjoy these posts!   I pay 50 quid back home for Sky and fecking internet I don't use and now I am being abused for internet over here!   The lovely half English speaking woman did point out that I was entitled to free calls ANYWHERE in Switzerland, fecking amazing!!!! I DONT KNOW ANYBODY TO CALL IN SWITZERLAND so how is that a frigging bonus!

Anyho so it has taken this long to sort the internet and if Mr H hadn't done something to the router that we "borrowed" we would have had to have WIRED internet, you remember that guys and gals, were you plugged the laptop into the router, I shit you not wired internet for 80 CHF a month.

Had I of chose to be robbed some more I could have paid 200 CHF for the WIFI router, I actually asked her if she was joking when she told me the price, I fully expected Jeremy to jump out and tell me I had "been framed"

Anyway enough of that as it is giving me a headache thinking about the stress it has caused and I believe I have grey hairs and wrinkles over this shit!

The other fantastic news what we managed to get someone to come and fit light bulbs (do not ask the electrics are shit over here), wire the cooker into the mains, as they don't seem to plug shit in over here, and do the same with the washer.   Found a fantastic ex pat company that came out on the Tuesday and the work was promised to be done on the Wednesday.

True to their word it was done, the original quote was 600CHF but we NEEDED lights and a cooker and a washer and to be honest I was past caring how much it was gonna cost.

I tootle home to an invoice for 1070 CHF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I nearly died, I had to have a fag and a drink to get over the shock, the increase in the bill apparently was due to the light in the bathroom not working.

Now if we rewind to the weekend of us moving in Mr H and friends had, had their hands inside and out of this light fitting trying to fix it, as men do.

Fast forward back to the invoice.   The sparky's boss (who spoke English thankfully as the sparky didn't) left a lovely note on the invoice saying it had taken three hours alone to fix the bathroom light and the problem was it needed rewiring as there was no EARTH!  

I shit you not, no EARTH, Mr H has no life insurance people and he is no good to me dead!    I swear on my life if I could speak French I would have been sharing my "distaste" with the regie.....I think they dodged a bullet!

So a fortnight after the workman came out and my Washer still does not work properly.....it will not drain as some brainbox decided to run the drainage pipe along the floor (cue lots of tutting and sighing from Mr H, muttering of not being able to get the staff and all that crap), even Grumpus knows that, that was never going to work!

Anyway true to form for workman, they still haven't fixed it yet, they still haven't given me my two invoices as requested a fortnight ago, so I can ram one down the regie's neck and they do not seem to be in any hurry to come and fix it!

I am having to use the communal washer, yes the communal washer, I feel violated every time I it.   I use the term "I" loosely its in a dark basement which is more like a bomb shelter so clearly Mr H has to go and put the washing in as I crap myself every time I go down there.

There is a drawing of a rat and the sign for poison on the door ......like frig I am going in there on my own.

Right that me done for tonight it is exhausting trying to remember all this crap just to give you guys a laugh (and I know you will ALL be laughing) and I am started to get wound up just thinking about it!

Catch you on the other side peeps

Ciao

Grumpus

There is a hole in your radiator, dear Grumpus, dear Grumpus

Wednesday 9th November

Bonjour!

You will be pleased to know carrying on from the last blog, that Grumpus won the battle with the first of the sofa covers, it was a tight squeeze literally getting the cover back on, but only time will tell if I actually win the war!

Today I feel a little like liza, who had a hole in her bucket, but change the bucket to a radiator and not where we are living but our des res back home in the UK! 

Mr V broke the news by posting a picture of said radiator on facebook, with water pissing out.....that was my cue to FREAK out, with Mr H having to literally crowbar me off the ceiling!

Anyway thankfully we have found an AMAZING maintenance man "Jack of all trades" who from 10.30pm UK time last night up to 8.30pm UK time tonight, went to the house, looked at the radiator, priced the job up and said he would come back tomorrow to sort if we were happy to go ahead.....finally a tradesman who you can rely on!

I don't think anybody has let him into the "trade secret" which is he could turn up days late, charge extortionate prices and people would still be grateful!

So that is every radiator in the house changed within the last 4 years.....clearly radiators and our house just don't mix!

Started packing in anticipation for the big move, hopefully picking up the keys on Friday so keep your fingers crossed please!

I had a small triumph at work today.....printer that is that big and expensive, I would expect it to fecking cook a three course meal for me decided not to play any more yesterday, I bravely rang the printer company...not a big deal I hear you mutter...wrong!   Again major communication problems but got off the phone hopeful that we had agreed she would send me a waste container cartridge today.....tadar!   This afternoon, what should arrive but two waste container cartridges!!!  I was happy with that, twice as much but hell at least something a) arrived and b) was the right thing....think that smug feeling may return briefly!

Short and sweet tonight peeps as I am bushed, I have a hot date with..........my bed!

Ciao

Grumpus 

And the saga of the apartment rolls on!

7th November 2011

Bonjour! Is the french thing getting boring yet????   Answers on a postcard please :0)

So the weekend seemed to fly by, we had every good intention of venturing out for food on Sunday to celebrate but actually didn't get out of bed, other for toast in the morning and to put a few loads of washing on....yes I am that sad that I worried we wouldn't have anything to wear today!

We nearly starved as I refused to cook and Mr. H decided that as he had cooked breakfast he was now on strike.....he actually had the nerve to say that he wasn't my slave, as you can imagine Grumpus was not impressed.   I pointed out that is what happens when you create a monster lol, put me on a pedestal by all means, but then don't change your mind 6 years in and expect me to actually start doing something!

Anyway the top and bottom of it was we both starved to prove a point.........seriously two grown adults sat in two separate rooms sulking!  

Anyho, all friends again today, I may have apologised but I clearly wouldn't put that in black and white would I?!

So the paperwork has been sent to the powers that be to approve, big thank you to UPS, paid for midday delivery today and it ended up being delivered at 3.30pm UK time......chuffed to bits NOT!

Called UPS to bo**ock them and their excuse was the normal driver was off sick and the replacement driver didn't realise it had priority.....the big sticker saying PRIORITY didn't give it away then, jesus wept where do they find these people!

Why the hell would you send documents UPS unless they were urgent, I give up I really do, between them and my letting agent back home, I am beginning to think that the world is being taken over by monkeys resembling humans, its the only way to explain the bloody stupidity of some people.

I seriously am being to think that people enjoy getting me stressed, it the only logical reason, for such a great country everything seems to take sooooooooooooooooooooooo long and there is just no need for it.   I spent three hours the other day trying to reason with a French woman as to why it was quicker to email a lease to me rather than post it!!!!

But what can I expect from a country who thinks it is perfectly acceptable to have their supermarkets shut at 7pm on an evening, that is right, that wasn't a TYPO 7pm in the evening, late night "whoop whoop" is a Thursday were they stay open till half seven, I am seriously considering going to Asda when I get home at two in the morning, just because I f**king can!

So to recap, you don't have a large freezer like back home, so you have to shop weekly, but you work till gone seven every night (that's right folks living the dream!) so the only night you can shop is Thursday and have to tear round the supermarket like you have a tribe of loonies chasing you, you couldn't make it up!!

Anyway rant over for tonight, I am getting a sweat on writing about it, you have something special to look forward to on the next blog, Grumpus's V's washing the sofa covers.......if that doesn't wet your appetite I don't know what will!

Ciao

Grumpus x

Joyeux Anniversaire Matt

6th November 2011

Ciao, Hallo, Bonjour, that's hello in the three major languages covered!

Happy Anniversary to Mr. H who has managed to put up with me for six long years, for a few weeks we thought it was seven, but after referring to friends and family and various weddings we have been to, we finally worked out that it was only six, phew!   Lets leave the 7 year inch till next year......its one more thing for me to look forward to worrying about!

We have received the lease for the apartment so things are finally moving forward, I have started to clean things in this apartment, in anticipation for the move, such as curtains, sofa coverings etc, as to be honest they are just rank!

RANK actually as in that bad they deserve capital letters, I class myself as being fairly relaxed on the cleaning front, but all I want to do in this gaff, is scrub, scrub the bath, the toilet, the cooker, the list goes on......I find myself turning into Aggie and Mr. H was already Kim, grime-busters extrodinare!

Your lucky I am updating as I have a date with the bath.......one of us will lose, knowing the state of this place it will be me, but I love a challenge.

Our house guest has flown the nest already, and before you ask I didn't scare him off!   He got offered a fab little Studio in Plainpalis for a couple of months so quite rightly jumped at the chance.

We helped him move, along with Mike who kindly offered to drive us all so we didn't get wet!   It was the quickest move ever having said that, he did only have a few suitcases lol!

Have to report that there were no fireworks in Geneva last night, none that we heard anyway :(   May have to buy some when we get home and have a honorary 5th of Nov but in December!

As it is our Anniversary.....have I mentioned this yet lol!  We may venture out tonight for a meal, there looks to be a lovely little bar and restaurant round the corner who does Fondue, when in Rome and all that jazz!

Right best get back to the date with the Bath........ speak soon love Grumpus x